Ancestry DNA provides the missing pieces to my family puzzle!

Disclaimer: This is a longer read than normal; but it’s a great one!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and just assume we’ve all worked a puzzle at some point in our lives.  Puzzles tend to range in size with as many or as few oddly shaped pieces imaginable.

Connecting smaller pieces together in order to create a larger masterpiece is the goal when working any puzzle.  Like most, I start with the border; because in fact, that’s the easiest part.

From there I begin to concentrate on certain areas of the puzzle and I begin filling in the center by gently pressing two pieces together.  I can sit in silence for hours focusing on matching one correct piece with another, and another, and another.  For weeks, one puzzle can consume most of my time.

I’m Wishing on a Dream…

In today’s post, I want you–yes you–to take a deep breath, close your eyes, and just day-dream for a minute or two.  Let your imagination take you on a journey that perhaps you haven’t traveled along in many years.

One thing I love about children, they never forfeit the opportunity to imagine or daydream.  They are okay with allowing their thoughts to lead them to a land of possibilities and “what-ifs.”

As adults, everyday life usually gets the best of us.  However, I believe if we take a few minutes to daydream and to explore our minds you just never know where it may lead us.  Besides, daydreaming can be a form of relieving stress when we channel our minds to other places.

Need ideas of what to daydream about? Here are a few:

If you won a billion dollars, what would you do with it?  How do you think your life would change?  What would be one of the first things you would buy?

Think about being on a beach under the shade and what type of book you would be reading?

Think about where you want to see yourself in five years?

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Think about a change you wish you could see in the world, and perhaps how you could make a difference?

What about your dream home, or a dream car?  What do those things look like to you?

Our dreams are only part of the vision.  Let your imagination be the starting  point to any achievement you wish to have.  After you dream it, write it down, and take the necessary steps to turn those dreams into reality!

Feel free to answer any of the suggested ideas listed above in the comments below.  Or, perhaps you want to add your own dreamy ideas to the comment section.  Either way……

……Dream on!!!!

What are you doing for YOU?

I’m at a point in my life where I feel like my life is in total chaos.  I’m overwhelmed, overworked, and slowly running out of energy.

I’m working two jobs, only because I want to, while also preparing to move, planning a wedding, and running here and there.

I tend to stay up late trying to get little things done only to have to get up within a few hours to start the entire process over again.

I really need a break.  I need to do something for ME!  I’m not talking about going to the gym “me time” but more like having a moment to relax, reflect, and to regroup.

As I try to get my life together, what are you going to do for you?  Sometimes we just need to woosah with a glass of wine in order to keep going.

 

Take me back, Dear Lord!

I miss the black church.

But I don’t miss the drama.

I miss the black singing, Spring revivals, choir rehearsals, conventions, and youth meetings.

But again, I don’t miss the drama.

I miss when the anointing would be so high you could barely get through the announcements.  Members shouting, drums beating, tambourines beating against the palm of your hands and the organ at its highest volume.

But I don’t miss being in church every single day of the week or staying in Church on Sunday mornings until 2PM either and having to be back there again for Sunday night service.

I miss being a kid and hearing the church van outside my home beeping the horn on Wednesday nights for mid-week church service or on Thursday night for youth meetings.  Getting on the van and knowing instantly what another kids family had for dinner because the smell was all over their clothes.

But I don’t miss having to dress up every single Sunday with stockings (that’s what we call panty hose) and heels and such.

I come from the Church of God of Apostolic (COGA), born and raised, so this is what I’ve always been use to.  My grandfather was a Bishop.  My father is an Elder.  My aunts and uncles and cousins are ministers, deacons, and singers.  I’m a preachers kid also known as a “PK” and I’ve always been proud of that.  Word on the streets is that preachers kids are the worse.  I disagree whole-heartedly with that statement.  I mean, yes, my first kiss was at church but I spent most of my childhood there.  Where else would it take place?

I’ve always told people I’ve had a good balanced upbringing.  My dad’s side of the family is very religious while my mothers side….um….to a certain extent but not so much.  So I have always been comfortable with both sides and could fit in anywhere.

I say all of this because I now go to a non-denominational church where there’s a white pastor and more white than black members but I do see some of “MY” people in there.  I like it, but I don’t necessarily love it.  I haven’t heard an organ, seen a church fan with the Martin Luther King, Jr. on the back or a prayer cloth for when you fall out under the anointing and you don’t want anyone seeing what’s under the ladies skirts!  However, the preaching is why I stay.  The sermons are short and sweet, relatable, comical, and it’s not all wrapped around being blessed with the a car.  It’s real life teaching and at some point that’s what we all need in life.  I can walk out of church knowing what the preacher has preached about and perhaps that’s the main reason for going to church.  But there is something about black people and music that just clicks.  So I do miss the singing aspect of the black church.  The right song can break you all the way down and have you laying at the altar by the cross.

Yay God!

But Saints, do we really need a song after every announcement, speaker, and offering?  We have scripture, prayer, praise and worship, offering, announcements, choir, and then two more A and B selections before we even get to the preaching in most black churches.  Y’all preachers like to be long-winded too.  That’s when I have to politely get up with my index finger midway in the air and tip-toe on out.

It’s no secret that in every city you go to you can find a church on any corner.  One may ask, why don’t you just find another church?  Well, here is where the problem lies.  I don’t church hop.  No ma’am, no sir.  My city is small.  If it doesn’t feel right to me I’m not going.  There are some places where I refuse to go and some people who I refuse to mingle and act fake with.  I just do not care to do that at church.  Church to me is a place of refuge.  A place of worship and solidarity.

I left the church I grew up in as a child because it was basically a family church.  Sometimes too much of a good thing is not always good.  As I’ve stated before, I’m not going to church for the drama.  Plus, after going to my new church and realizing that all the “extra” is not needed to worship God or to hear His voice, I often feel like some of the churches do a little too much.  But how do I balance the two?

Because if I’m honest, I do miss parts of the black church.

Have you ever been to a black church when they’re selling dinners right afterwards?  You know, to help that building fund that hasn’t increased in 25 years? #Sideeye Why are black churches still paying on the building fund anyway?  I mean the white church down the road has three different locations up and running, with a televised show, podcast, and 3 services on Sunday morning!  Anyway, you can smell that hot dog chili rising through the vents distracting your attention as you sit in the pews at the black church.  The devil is a liar!!!!  Can the church say Amen?

But I don’t miss the 30 minutes it took to take offering.  Or the begging.  That  is the worst.

To go a little further, I remember visiting my grandmother’s church as a little girl with her.  She is Baptist.  Although it is a black church I remember it being similar to the church I now go to; as we were in and out.  Church started at 11 AM we were out no later than 12:30 PM.  I thought I had hit the jackpot.  It was then when I realized how different the denominations were within the church.

I also remember going on Church crusades as a kid and almost fighting another girl from another church.  Then I remember going on church trips in college with a friends church and sneaking off to my boyfriends room in the middle of the night and then someone had the NERVE to tell on me! –You really can’t take jealous folk anywhere!

Church has always been then center of my life.  No matter where I was, or what age.  I attended church in college (not every Sunday) but I went.  I sung on the gospel choir in college and even visited some churches where I knew I had no business in there.  This particular church had CULT written all over it.  My spirit was cringing and the look upon my face was nothing but priceless.

I’ve had my share of services to know when something is missing or just isn’t right.  I’ve also been to enough church services to know that sometimes I just need that “old time religion” in my life.

Today, church has changed a lot from when I was a child growing up. With cell phones and bibles on iPads my ADHD runs rapid in church.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I took a bible to church and that is almost shameful.  Apparently the demand for live streaming of Sunday services has increased as more and more churches are operating in that ministry.  To me, this makes it easier for folk to stay home and watch the live service instead of actually getting up to go to church.  Back in the 80’s and 90’s religion played a deeper impact within the church whereas today, for the most part, I believe people have stepped away from “Religion” and has focused more on “Relationship.”  At least I hope this is the case.  I, personally, do not miss the crazy systems that religion creates or that people create.  Like for instance, if you were pregnant out-of-wedlock you couldn’t sing in the choir?  I thought church was essentially for the sinners?

To sum it up, I wish I could take bits and pieces from the different churches and put them together like a puzzle in order to achieve my balance.  I realize that this is life and as life continues we must all learn how to adapt and be open for change.  As an adult I also realize that my relationship with God is much more important than religion within “Church.”  So this is what I’m focusing on now.  I’m focusing on my relationship with God and not necessarily my experience.  Besides, Faith is a journey, not an experience.  I will always understand, accept, and love the Lord with all my heart even if I’m not in church every Sunday and even if church is not how it use to be.

Anyone else grow up in Church?  Has your experience changed from when you were a child to adulthood?  I’d like to hear your memories on what you miss the most or how church has been for you over the years.

Dos and Don’ts (March Edition)

Well, well, well!

Your favorite blogger is back with your favorite segment of IToja which is the monthly edition of Dos and Don’ts!!! If you need to catch up the previous issues, please catch the 411 HERE for January and HERE for February!

All aboard? Lets go!

Shana:  Don’t pay full price for anything.  There are coupons for everything.  Let Google be your friend. If for whatever reason, the item you want is no longer available then you didn’t need it anyway.  Toya has some pretty good discounts at places she can hook you up with.

Toya:  My motto is, “Ball on a budget” I rarely pay full price for anything.  And if I do, then it’s something that is a must and there is no other way to get it.  I do believe in splurging every now and then but not all the time.  I love shopping online too, and usually you can find some good deals online.  I do a lot of shopping through Ebates, they literally pay you to shop.  You can click HERE to get started.

Also, RetailMeNot is a great app to use if you’re out and about and looking for last minute coupons.

S:  We all get mad, some easier than others, but count to 10 or whatever it is that you do to calm down, before you say something you may later regret.  I have zero filter sometimes so this helps me A LOT!! I seriously live by this, “every action does not deserve a reaction.”

T:  Don’t be tap dancing on my nerves! — I would say, check your delivery.  Because my reaction may be necessary but the delivery of my reaction may not be necessary.  My goal this year is to check my delivery.

S:  I think a really good investment besides a home and a car, is bedding!  You need to sleep to be able to function.  So good bedding is a must!  Sheets, blankets, definitely pillows and mattresses.

T:  Yaaaassss.  I’m trying to hold out until Spring to redo my room, my bedding, and to get new pillows but it’s taking so long to get here!  I just wish King size sheets and pillows weren’t so expensive.  Geez.

S:  This a hard one, but you really should have some sort of savings even if you’re only putting $5 a week in there.  You never know what’s going to happen.  You may need new tires, a furnace, or what if you lose your job?  A little cushion could come in handy.

T:  This is great advice.  Really great if you can get into the habit of saving at an early age.  I would also suggest that you have some type of savings deposited into a separate account before you even get your check.  It makes it easier.  It’s already taken care of and you will not have to make extra trips to the bank or end up spending it.

S:  Have relationships with people and not just your significant other.  I’m talking about your friends; take the time to get to know them.  The deep down them.  Their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, favorite color.  Make them feel appreciated.

T:  Friends are valuable.  It is important to be a great friend because one day you may need the favor returned.  I’m happy to say that I know just about everything about my closest friends.  Perhaps, too much!  Check out my post on friends HERE!

S:  This kind of goes along with the last one, but I recently had a friend lose their companion of many years.  Tomorrow is never promised so say, “I Love You” every chance you get and mean it.

T:  The older we get, the faster time goes, and the more deaths we come across.  From the very young to the very old.  At one point, all I was hearing was another person has died.  My family says “I Love You” all the time.  You just never know when the last time will be the last time.

S:  You know how when you were younger your parents would take food to a love ones house who had death in their family?  Well now that we are older we need to continue that “tradition” people really appreciate it probably much more than flowers.

T:  Definitely a “tradition” that is a must.  Letting a person know you’re thinking about them during a sad time is great.  Plus, no one wants to cook when going through the hardships of death.  People are steadily going in and out of there home to show their condolences.  Who wants to cook during this time?  Having that food already their and ready to eat is a blessing.

I would even like to challenge my readers to take this a step further.  To go back to being a good friend, when a friend is sick or just having a rough time stop by to visit them.  Take them a few snacks or some soup or their favorite things.  A little goes a long way.

S:  Everyone should have a hobby.  I use to think mine was shopping but as I’ve gotten older I think it is more decorating and crafts.  I also really enjoy blogging on IToja once a month, so I would consider writing and reading as another hobby.  Sometimes you just have to take a mental break and let your mind wander, with your hobby it’s easy to do that.

T:  Aww–so happy you’re enjoying our adventure together.

I think hobbies are great.  Overtime, my hobbies always seem to change but I think that has a lot to do with my personality.

S:  So, I recently went to a spa party and it was great!  I think you should pamper yourself even if it’s just buying a foot scrub, new lotion, or a face mask.  I try to do one of these at least once a week to help me unwind a little.

T:  I’m a total believer in taking care of yourself.  I love being pampered too.  So yes, everyone take time out to pamper yourself.  Put this on your to-do list, for sure!

S:  Everyone has an opinion, you know the saying.  So don’t get mad at someone just because theirs is different from yours.  Everyone is different.  It’s what makes the world go round.

T:  In today’s world its hard to let others have their own opinion but I think we need to always remember this.

S:  If you straighten your house a little everyday, say one room a day, then you won’t have to spend a whole day doing it all at one time.  This may just work for me though because I am so OCD.

T:  I wish I could do this everyday.  Now, I’ll just text my daughter and say, “Make sure you have your chores done.”  See–having a teenager isn’t all bad!

S:  Learn how to change a tire, this super important.  Your dad or man may not always be readily available to do this for you.

T:  Do you boo!  But, uh, I’m not changing a tire.  I do know how to check (not change) the oil though.  That has to count for something!

S:  I know cash is like a thing of the past, but it really is smart to keep a little bit with you at all times.  I usually try to keep $20 on me, you never know when you may need it.

T:  This sounds like my grandmother.  She say’s this all the time.  So yes, lets all try to keep a little cash on us–for the unexpected, right?

S:  Never expect too much from anyone. So that in the event that they do happen to let you down it doesn’t hurt as bad.  Because like I’ve said before not everyone has the same intentions as you.

T:  I’m stuck in between Do and Don’t on this one.  While I agree with the above statement I also feel like if I can’t depend on you, or expect for you to come through for me, then I don’t really need you.  I think it mostly depend on the person and the situation and the relationship that you have with someone.

S:  You should never have to prove a relationship or yourself to anyone.  If it’s real it’s real!

T:  Agreed.  Don’t worry about what others think.  Haters will always hate!!!!!! #IToja

As always, we would love to hear what you think.  Do you have a hobby? What about a spa ritual?  Have you implemented a savings plan?  We would love to hear your stories.

Leave your comments below and don’t forgot to hit the FOLLOW button so that you’re always up to speed on our Dos and Don’ts!!

Shana lives in VA with her husband and daughter.

Pray by Sam Smith

Anyone familiar with the English singer/song-writer, Sam Smith and his latest song, Pray?

It is a song that I play at least 8 times a day.  Usually back to back.

I love how he goes from a deep tenor tone to a high falsetto (his voice is magical) as what appears to be a choir joining him in the background.  That double black church clap towards the end of the song tells me that I’m correct in my thinking.

This song is simply a reflection of everyone’s life.  We have all made mistakes.  We have all lost our focus and direction and really don’t know where or whom to turn to at times.  Too often, we become so full of ourselves, we try to go about life as if we’ve never needed anyone or guidance.  Many of us live a very prideful life.  But eventually, life catches up with us and all we have left to do is, pray.

It reminds me so much of the story about the prodigal son in the Bible.  Eventually, at some point, we all come back to what has stood the test of time for ages.  We all come back home to the Father, back to prayer.  At the end of the day, we just need a one-on-one as Smith states in his lyrics.

It also reminds me that no matter where you are in life or who you are or your beliefs that praying is not a bad thing.  Take a listen to this powerful audio provided by YouTube, below.

Everyone prays in the end.

This post may contain affiliated links but all opinions are of my own.

My heart is in pieces #Parkland

Last night I sat in bed and just scrolled my Twitter timeline and read all the text from students who sent “I love you” text to family and friends. Not because it was Valentine’s Day, but because their school was under attack.  They were living in the moment of a mass shooter running through their school in Florida.  Pictures showed them on the floor under desk with classrooms being invaded by police.