The Ten Commandments of The Black Church

Growing up in a black church, lets just say it was an experience!  Therefore, I’ve created the Ten Commandments of the Black Church.  These will help you if you’re ever visiting a black church and believe me, they will apply to you at some point in the service…….(study to show thyself approved).

1. Thou shall put up one finger and tiptoe out of service if you’re leaving early.

2. Thou shall bring a snack. Continue reading

Life happens and then what?

Typically, this blog is fun and light-hearted.  Sometimes it’s even sassy and mischievous. To be honest, I love all of that about this blog but I must be real and say that sometimes, LIFE HAPPENS!

We find ourselves living our “Best Life” and suddenly we are faced with what looks like turmoil.  Not just with me but with all of us and we have to dig deeper and reach a little higher.  So today, I want to present a different side of this blog.  I want to present a place of refuge.  I want to remind my readers that no matter what you are going through at any time of your life that God is sitting at His thrown and he sees and hears all of your cries.

There are times when I must be willing and obedient to the Word of God and bow down to his authority.  That time is now.  On a daily basis we all go through so much.  It can be on the job, at home, or within our own minds.

The great thing about God is that He will never put more on you than you can bear and often times we have to remind ourselves of that.  Sometimes God has to break us all the way down so that he can build us back up and make room for overflow in our lives.

So whatever you may be going through today, I want to suggest to you to surrender that THING to God.  Whether it’s your marriage, finances, a job, your children, your health, an addiction, your mental state, etc.  Maybe you’re just constantly on the go and you’re so busy with your every day activities that you haven’t even had a moment to think about your day or what is consuming all of your time.  You’re so distant from the world and the word of God, you don’t know whether you are coming or going.  Whatever it is, we need to surrender.  When we surrender to God we then make room for whatever that is profitable in our lives.  Whether it be peace, or love, or joy, or deliverance, or just time.

We have the power to face our situation straight in the face.  I tell Satan all the time, not today!  Hell nah, to the nah, nah, nah!

There are also times when I have to reconnect my faith.  As an adult I tend to let my worries or doubts do the thinking for me.  I know that is not right.  I have to remind fear that it is not the GPS system of my life and therefore I will not be following along its path.

Like the Prodigal Son, I have to go back to what I know and what I know to be a constant in my life; and that is, that God cannot be moved.  He is still like the tree planted by the waters. He is still the beginning and the end.  He is still the only living one.  He is still Lord of Lords and King of Kings.  He is still my rock!

Can I get an Amen?

In closing, I would like to say this prayer for all of you:

Dear God,

I thank you for the readers of this blog.  I ask that you touch them wherever they may be in this appointed time.  I ask that you give each of them the strength to surrender to you and your will.  I pray that you take what was and make it be better than what you said it was going to be.  Turn their test into a testimony.  Turn their pain into joy.  Lord God I pray that as they go through this storm called life that they would come out as pure gold.  We thank you for your power, for your grace, and for your mercy.  We ask that you see past our insecurities so that we can learn to grow again.  We ask that you give us peace that surpass all of our understanding.  But most of all we just thank you for being you.  In Jesus name, Amen.

I love each and every one of you and I pray that this blog will be beneficial in your life today or whenever “Life Happens”.



Take me back, Dear Lord!

I miss the black church.

But I don’t miss the drama.

I miss the black singing, Spring revivals, choir rehearsals, conventions, and youth meetings.

But again, I don’t miss the drama.

I miss when the anointing would be so high you could barely get through the announcements.  Members shouting, drums beating, tambourines beating against the palm of your hands and the organ at its highest volume.

But I don’t miss being in church every single day of the week or staying in Church on Sunday mornings until 2PM either and having to be back there again for Sunday night service.

I miss being a kid and hearing the church van outside my home beeping the horn on Wednesday nights for mid-week church service or on Thursday night for youth meetings.  Getting on the van and knowing instantly what another kids family had for dinner because the smell was all over their clothes.

But I don’t miss having to dress up every single Sunday with stockings (that’s what we call panty hose) and heels and such.

I come from the Church of God of Apostolic (COGA), born and raised, so this is what I’ve always been use to.  My grandfather was a Bishop.  My father is an Elder.  My aunts and uncles and cousins are ministers, deacons, and singers.  I’m a preachers kid also known as a “PK” and I’ve always been proud of that.  Word on the streets is that preachers kids are the worse.  I disagree whole-heartedly with that statement.  I mean, yes, my first kiss was at church but I spent most of my childhood there.  Where else would it take place?

pexels-photo-568027.jpegI’ve always told people I’ve had a good balanced upbringing.  My dad’s side of the family is very religious while my mothers side….um….to a certain extent but not so much.  So I have always been comfortable with both sides and could fit in anywhere.

I say all of this because I now go to a non-denominational church where there’s a white pastor and more white than black members but I do see some of “MY” people in there.  I like it, but I don’t necessarily love it.  I haven’t heard an organ, seen a church fan with the Martin Luther King, Jr. on the back or a prayer cloth for when you fall out under the anointing and you don’t want anyone seeing what’s under the ladies skirts!  However, the preaching is why I stay.  The sermons are short and sweet, relatable, comical, and it’s not all wrapped around being blessed with the a car.  It’s real life teaching and at some point that’s what we all need in life.  I can walk out of church knowing what the preacher has preached about and perhaps that’s the main reason for going to church.  But there is something about black people and music that just clicks.  So I do miss the singing aspect of the black church.  The right song can break you all the way down and have you laying at the altar by the cross.

Yay God!

But Saints, do we really need a song after every announcement, speaker, and offering?  We have scripture, prayer, praise and worship, offering, announcements, choir, and then two more A and B selections before we even get to the preaching in most black churches.  Y’all preachers like to be long-winded too.  That’s when I have to politely get up with my index finger midway in the air and tip-toe on out.

It’s no secret that in every city you go to you can find a church on any corner.  One may ask, why don’t you just find another church?  Well, here is where the problem lies.  I don’t church hop.  No ma’am, no sir.  My city is small.  If it doesn’t feel right to me I’m not going.  There are some places where I refuse to go and some people who I refuse to mingle and act fake with.  I just do not care to do that at church.  Church to me is a place of refuge.  A place of worship and solidarity.

I left the church I grew up in as a child because it was basically a family church.  Sometimes too much of a good thing is not always good.  As I’ve stated before, I’m not going to church for the drama.  Plus, after going to my new church and realizing that all the “extra” is not needed to worship God or to hear His voice, I often feel like some of the churches do a little too much.  But how do I balance the two?

Because if I’m honest, I do miss parts of the black church.

Have you ever been to a black church when they’re selling dinners right afterwards?  You know, to help that building fund that hasn’t increased in 25 years? #Sideeye Why are black churches still paying on the building fund anyway?  I mean the white church down the road has three different locations up and running, with a televised show, podcast, and 3 services on Sunday morning!  Anyway, you can smell that hot dog chili rising through the vents distracting your attention as you sit in the pews at the black church.  The devil is a liar!!!!  Can the church say Amen?

But I don’t miss the 30 minutes it took to take offering.  Or the begging.  That  is the worst.

To go a little further, I remember visiting my grandmother’s church as a little girl with her.  She is Baptist.  Although it is a black church I remember it being similar to the church I now go to; as we were in and out.  Church started at 11 AM we were out no later than 12:30 PM.  I thought I had hit the jackpot.  It was then when I realized how different the denominations were within the church.

I also remember going on Church crusades as a kid and almost fighting another girl from another church.  Then I remember going on church trips in college with a friends church and sneaking off to my boyfriends room in the middle of the night and then someone had the NERVE to tell on me! –You really can’t take jealous folk anywhere!

Church has always been then center of my life.  No matter where I was, or what age.  I attended church in college (not every Sunday) but I went.  I sung on the gospel choir in college and even visited some churches where I knew I had no business in there.  This particular church had CULT written all over it.  My spirit was cringing and the look upon my face was nothing but priceless.

I’ve had my share of services to know when something is missing or just isn’t right.  I’ve also been to enough church services to know that sometimes I just need that “old time religion” in my life.


Today, church has changed a lot from when I was a child growing up. With cell phones and bibles on iPads my ADHD runs rapid in church.  I couldn’t tell you the last time I took a bible to church and that is almost shameful.  Apparently the demand for live streaming of Sunday services has increased as more and more churches are operating in that ministry.  To me, this makes it easier for folk to stay home and watch the live service instead of actually getting up to go to church.  Back in the 80’s and 90’s religion played a deeper impact within the church whereas today, for the most part, I believe people have stepped away from “Religion” and has focused more on “Relationship.”  At least I hope this is the case.  I, personally, do not miss the crazy systems that religion creates or that people create.  Like for instance, if you were pregnant out-of-wedlock you couldn’t sing in the choir?  I thought church was essentially for the sinners?

To sum it up, I wish I could take bits and pieces from the different churches and put them together like a puzzle in order to achieve my balance.  I realize that this is life and as life continues we must all learn how to adapt and be open for change.  As an adult I also realize that my relationship with God is much more important than religion within “Church.”  So this is what I’m focusing on now.  I’m focusing on my relationship with God and not necessarily my experience.  Besides, Faith is a journey, not an experience.  I will always understand, accept, and love the Lord with all my heart even if I’m not in church every Sunday and even if church is not how it use to be.

Anyone else grow up in Church?  Has your experience changed from when you were a child to adulthood?  I’d like to hear your memories on what you miss the most or how church has been for you over the years.