This is America

A while back I made a statement on one of my social media accounts stating to be aware of those people who are “Pro-Fetus but Anti-child.”

This particular quote comes from Bakari Sellers, an African-American attorney, political commentator, and politician.

First, let’s be really clear here. I’m neither pro-life or pro-choice. This is a hard fence to straddle because what it all boils down to is what a woman decides to do with her body and what’s inside of her. Women have abortions for many different reasons and quite frankly I don’t think that white males (or any male) should be telling women what they should or should not be doing with their bodies. But these particular people like to be in control so therefore they like to put laws into place that will somehow stroke their little egos. Continue reading

Ladies, Love Yourself

Loving ourselves is something that women, especially, often have a hard time doing.  Of course we all say that we love ourselves, but do our actions truly show that?

How many times have we put a man before our needs or before our children?  How many times have you allowed The D (and you know what I mean) to control you and your emotions?

Women already have to take on more responsibilities than men these days.  We literally carry the world on our shoulders.  It hurts my heart to see women settle for no good men.  When we truly love ourselves we are able to set standards and expectations.  We are able to be strong and independent with or without a man.

Yes, sex is great.  But if all you are getting from a relationship is sex then sis you are settling and I want you to desire more from that relationship.  Remember a man will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.  A real man will make time for you.  A real man will be happy and willing to commit to you.  I’m not saying you have to get married next week but he shouldn’t be leading you on or making you feel like you’re in limbo.

You may ask, well who is this blog post for? It’s for any single (because once you’re married that’s a whole different story) teen or woman, old or young, who may need a reminder that self-love is the best love.  If you don’t love yourself completely then another person won’t be able to love YOU completely either.

I understand it’s not always as easy as it seems.  I get that.  I’ve trotted in these same shoes before.  But trust that there are people out here who are willing to stand by you through difficult times.  There are people who have been in your shoes and understand the emotional soul tie that may be pulling at your hem strings.  You don’t have to settle for half of the pie when you can have the whole cake.  There are good men out here.

You are the captain of your life and a man shouldn’t dictate your happiness.  You are loved and you deserve love!



How “woke” are you?

“The most disrespected person in America is the black woman.

The most unprotected person in America is the black woman.

The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” ~ Malcolm X

Just how “woke” are you?  The term “being woke” stems from the ideology of being aware and informed from a sociological aspect.  Particularly in reference to the black culture.

Many will claim that they are “woke” or “woke-ish” – if you want to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

However, I’m starting to question one’s ability to be “woke” when we (myself included) tend to put people on pedestals as if they could do no wrong.  From preachers to entertainers to family members and so on.  These people are humans just like the rest of us and it’s time to for us to stop being so naïve.

I also question one’s ability to be “woke” when the value of black females is not a concern of the culture or the human race.  We are quick to cover and defend African-American men but we do not do the same for African-American women.  For decades R. Kelly has had inappropriate relationships with black women and young girls and nothing has been said.  The culture has ignored allegations because we don’t want to bring another “Brother” down, BUT on the flip side Kelly is abusing African American women and no one is on their side.  Instead, you’re continuously going to his concerts and throwing panties on the stage.

Black people stood beside OJ Simpson like they’ve never stood beside anyone else before and we all know OJ is a murderer.  Let’s stop sugar-coating crimes and violations just because it’s a black man that’s committing them.  Let’s stop acting like certain people, because of their public figure status, aren’t subject to doing wrong.  Some of us have yet to separate Bill Cosby from his CHARACTER on the Cosby Show.  I’ll be the first to admit that at one point, I didn’t believe the stories of rape that individuals were coming out with.  But after a while I had to go deep down inside to reevaluate myself and my thoughts.  How could I take away someone else’s truth?  I only knew him based off of his CHARACTER that he portrayed on his show.  A person can have the greatest intentions but still do bad.  A person can be a great actor but still a bad person.  Or a great Pastor in the pulpit but a bad person once outside the church double doors.

But furthermore, when was I going to stand up for women?  While I’ve never been raped, I have been in some uncomfortable situations.  I have felt the pressure coming from men on a number of occasions all because they thought they were entitled.  As a mother to a teenage daughter, no longer could I continue to ignore and make excuses for such behavior!

If we’re really “woke”, lets stand for all people no matter race or gender.  Wrong is wrong and right is right.  We have to stop supporting people who takes advantage of the weak, the underdog, and just women in general.

Women should be valued too!



My Thick Girl Woes

Disclaimer:  This post is brought to you by my favorite jeans that has seen its last days and my bra that lost her wire the other day.  RIP to you both! 😦

Does anyone revamp their diet as much as I do?  Like a car I’m constantly trying to give myself and my diet a tune-up.  I frequent the gym about three to four days a week, whenever my schedule permits.  My friends often joke with me when we are all together saying, “all Toya want is a salad.”  I laugh because it is funny but most of the time it is true.

I’ve reasoned with the fact that I will mostly likely be a thick girl for the rest of my life.  But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take care of myself.  It also doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t workout or strive to clean up my diet when there is room for cleaning.

I actually enjoy being “fit and thick.”  That’s a term I often use.  No matter your size you should want to live a healthy life.  You should also want to look nice in your clothes.

I remember having to have a surgery and the doctors mentioning how healthy I was.  But they said it like they were surprised.  I wanted to say, thick girls workout too!  But I decided to keep quiet.  Besides, I was getting ready to go under the knife!  Speaking of doctors, my family has a history of diabetes and high blood pressure so it is always my goal to make sure that my name never reaches that list.

Believe me, my only problem is when my favorite jeans get holes in between the thighs due to my thickness rubbing together.  Or a wire breaking out of my favorite bra.  It is then and only then when I feel like my world has crumbled.  Perhaps, you’re a thick girl too and you may struggle with being a little bustier or thick in thigh area as well.  Or, you too, fluctuate between sizes and find it hard to shop online because you don’t know what size to get or what would look best!  FYI:  The goal to looking nice in your clothes is buying clothes that fit; no matter the size.  My closet has every size you could possibly think of in it.  You shouldn’t put yourself in a box or limit yourself to just one size.  You could go up a size and look smaller in the bigger size than you would if you stayed with the smaller size.

No matter your size; be healthy, finesse it, and be phenomenal!

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.


LuLaRoe Spritzer

Buttery soft leggings!  Where have you been all my life?  I’m finding myself wearing these LuLaRoe leggings more and more throughout the week.  I wish you could feel the softness of these leggings through this blog.  If you are not familiar with LuLaRoe it is a direct sales company and a great way to support entrepreneurs who may live within your community.  Continue reading

Surviving Layoff in the 21st Century

It was one year yesterday since I started my new job!  It went by fairly fast, if you ask me.  It was a major career change that I was somewhat forced to do which initially made it a little harder for me.  When I first started I felt overwhelmed because everything they did was different from what I had done in previous working environments.  I honestly didn’t think that I was going to make it BUT I’m happy to say that I’m still there, things are going exceptionally well, and I’m exceeding in all areas.  It took a little time though.  I basically had to grab a hold of  how they processed their work and adapt to new changes.  Change can sometimes be difficult but I’m a very fast learner so that’s always a plus!  Happy Work Anniversary to me!!!!!
Now…………..What some of you may or may not know is that I’ve worked in the insurance industry for 10 years (now banking) and in 2014 I was laid off due to the company outsourcing overseas. The company I was working for had been doing

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