Have The Whole Damn Cake!

Has anyone ever told you that you deserve the absolute best?

Has anyone ever told you that you are worth [it]?

If you answered NO to any of those two questions, I’m here to let you know that you are worthy of everything and you deserve the best and should always want the best for you.

I’m here to let you know that the world is yours for the taking!  Whatever you want you can achieve it AND you are worthy of it!

If you’ve ever felt this way about anything, trust me, I get it and I understand.  A lot of times we don’t feel as if we are worthy of very much.  We have a lot of self-shame and we tend to settle for the bare minimum. Continue reading

The Art of Happiness

Happiness can be defined as a mental or emotional state of well-being that usually involves feelings of joy, positivity, and/or satisfaction.

Happiness can also be different for each person. Daily we can choose to be happy for ourselves and for others.  I’ve noticed that when I am happy for another person more happiness comes my way.

On the flip side there are just some people who will hate to see you happy no matter what. It’s true; everyone will not be happy for you.  But don’t let another persons opinions or thoughts hinder you from experiencing happiness.  I 100% believe in living your life for you.  Your happiness should be important to you, so much so, that you don’t let another persons jealousy or envy stop you from being happy.  Life is too short to have to worry about another persons insecurities!

In short, the moral of this post is to never let someone steal your happiness.  Allow your haters to become your elevator and your motivation.  You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Keep a positive attitude and live your life for you.  Your attitude determines your altitude.  Your happiness is based on your gratitude.  Sometimes choosing to be happy is just choosing to be at peace with whatever is going on in your life.  If one can’t celebrate you in your happiness then leave them in their misery and don’t look back!!

I give you permission to do that! 🙂


Ladies, Love Yourself

Loving ourselves is something that women, especially, often have a hard time doing.  Of course we all say that we love ourselves, but do our actions truly show that?

How many times have we put a man before our needs or before our children?  How many times have you allowed The D (and you know what I mean) to control you and your emotions?

Women already have to take on more responsibilities than men these days.  We literally carry the world on our shoulders.  It hurts my heart to see women settle for no good men.  When we truly love ourselves we are able to set standards and expectations.  We are able to be strong and independent with or without a man.

Yes, sex is great.  But if all you are getting from a relationship is sex then sis you are settling and I want you to desire more from that relationship.  Remember a man will only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.  A real man will make time for you.  A real man will be happy and willing to commit to you.  I’m not saying you have to get married next week but he shouldn’t be leading you on or making you feel like you’re in limbo.

You may ask, well who is this blog post for? It’s for any single (because once you’re married that’s a whole different story) teen or woman, old or young, who may need a reminder that self-love is the best love.  If you don’t love yourself completely then another person won’t be able to love YOU completely either.

I understand it’s not always as easy as it seems.  I get that.  I’ve trotted in these same shoes before.  But trust that there are people out here who are willing to stand by you through difficult times.  There are people who have been in your shoes and understand the emotional soul tie that may be pulling at your hem strings.  You don’t have to settle for half of the pie when you can have the whole cake.  There are good men out here.

You are the captain of your life and a man shouldn’t dictate your happiness.  You are loved and you deserve love!



When I turned the rapper 50 Cent down….

The year was early 2003.  I was a junior/senior in college just minding my everyday “young at heart” business.  The rapper 50 Cent was a fairly new artist to the public mainstream.  He had a hit record that radio stations played constantly, as if the song was on automatic repeat.  Many of you may remember the song….

Go shorty, it’s your birthday

We gonna party like it’s your birthday

We gonna sip Barcardi like it’s your birthday

Of course you remember the song!  It was one of Billboards 100 Best Songs of the 2000s according to the Rolling Stone’s Magazine.

So you’re thinking, why or how did I turn 50 Cent down?  Well, according to sources 50 Cent was coming to Richmond, VA for a concert.  The promoter of said concert was a friend of a friend.  This particular friend had previously given me stories upon stories about this promoter guy.  She then came back to me at some point and stated that the rapper 50 Cent was coming into town and he needed a driver.  The promoter wanted to know if I could be the driver for 50 Cent?

My curiosity began to grow because I couldn’t understand how a breakout rapper with a number one song on the radio could come to town and not have transportation?  Or why the promoter would ask me to be the transportation for such a high-profile rapper.  I didn’t have a fancy car.  I didn’t work in the industry.  AND to add icing to the cake (pun intended) when I asked why he didn’t have his own transportation, I was told “he’s just getting started in the business.”  Nothing was adding up to me and it left me baffled.

Baffled because it was 50 Cent and also because I really didn’t trust this promoter guy.  None of the stories that I had previously heard about him supported me in saying yes to  this task.  I later asked if I could have a friend accompany me while transporting the star from the airport to the venue.  My suggestion was turned down.

This lead me to my ultimate decision of turning down 50 Cent.  My safety has always been my main concern and focus in life.  I take pride in being a very cautious person and able to listen to my intuition when needed.  I purposely choose to not take part in Russian Roulette type deals.

I’ll never know if I really had the chance to chauffeur 50 Cent around or not.  I often wonder, what if?  But at the end of the day, I have no regrets.  Besides, I can almost see it working more in today’s time with the whole “Uber” transportation phenomenon going on right now.  But then I would have to work for such companies, and I don’t…….and this puts us back at square one!

Perhaps, you may have a “what-if” moment as well?  If that’s the case, feel free to share your stories in the comment section below.  But also take pride in knowing that if it was meant to be–it would have happened.


My Thick Girl Woes

Disclaimer:  This post is brought to you by my favorite jeans that has seen its last days and my bra that lost her wire the other day.  RIP to you both! 😦

Does anyone revamp their diet as much as I do?  Like a car I’m constantly trying to give myself and my diet a tune-up.  I frequent the gym about three to four days a week, whenever my schedule permits.  My friends often joke with me when we are all together saying, “all Toya want is a salad.”  I laugh because it is funny but most of the time it is true.

I’ve reasoned with the fact that I will mostly likely be a thick girl for the rest of my life.  But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take care of myself.  It also doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t workout or strive to clean up my diet when there is room for cleaning.

I actually enjoy being “fit and thick.”  That’s a term I often use.  No matter your size you should want to live a healthy life.  You should also want to look nice in your clothes.

I remember having to have a surgery and the doctors mentioning how healthy I was.  But they said it like they were surprised.  I wanted to say, thick girls workout too!  But I decided to keep quiet.  Besides, I was getting ready to go under the knife!  Speaking of doctors, my family has a history of diabetes and high blood pressure so it is always my goal to make sure that my name never reaches that list.

Believe me, my only problem is when my favorite jeans get holes in between the thighs due to my thickness rubbing together.  Or a wire breaking out of my favorite bra.  It is then and only then when I feel like my world has crumbled.  Perhaps, you’re a thick girl too and you may struggle with being a little bustier or thick in thigh area as well.  Or, you too, fluctuate between sizes and find it hard to shop online because you don’t know what size to get or what would look best!  FYI:  The goal to looking nice in your clothes is buying clothes that fit; no matter the size.  My closet has every size you could possibly think of in it.  You shouldn’t put yourself in a box or limit yourself to just one size.  You could go up a size and look smaller in the bigger size than you would if you stayed with the smaller size.

No matter your size; be healthy, finesse it, and be phenomenal!

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.



If I asked you what your superpowers were, what would you say? Would it take you a moment to answer or would the answer to this question come rather quickly to you? For many we have to think about our answer.  Or we would name powers that we wish we had instead of powers that we know we have.  Let’s not get the term confused with being superhuman or supernatural.  But let’s think of it as a way to describe a particular characteristic (or more) that makes you special.  A characteristic that projects the powers within you that makes you unique.  It is easy to coin the term to fictional characters but we sometimes fail to see the superpowers within ourselves.

I began thinking about my superpower(s) and what others would say if I asked them.  My brain got excited and my curiosity sprouted like a beanstalk.  So in my typical Toya fashion, I began texting and inboxing my friends asking them what their superpowers were.  I even went to Facebook soliciting information.  I wanted to see if people were willing to think outside of the box.

Here is what some had to say:

  • Super speed
  • The inability to sleep–using the time to their convenience
  • Being a good listener
  • Being invisible; out-of-the-way
  • The ability to lurk and collect information on anyone
  • Reading minds
  • Loving people
  • Encouraging people to be their best self and always trying to find the silver lining
  • My aura or presence

To answer my own question I would pinpoint my superpower to creativity.  I am a very creative person, coming up with ideas and suggestions.  Except for when it comes to cooking.  I’m a follow the direction type person when it comes to cooking therefore I’ve always enjoyed recipes and baking.  Isn’t that ironic?  Many of also do not give ourselves credit for all of the things we do as an adult; taking care of  home, working, tending to the children, spouses, parents and grandparents, and then trying to have some type of life outside of all of that.  Juggling all of this alone is a superpower within its self.  “Adulting” is HARD and at times I truly feel like I’m superwoman.

If we could, I would like to take this a step further and ask, at what point does your superpower align with your calling and/or purpose? Do you think the two go hand-in-hand?  Do you know what your calling is?  What if your superpower is the same as your calling?

I’d like to hear more about your superpower, your calling, and how the two fit together to make one unique person such as yourself.


Pray by Sam Smith

Anyone familiar with the English singer/song-writer, Sam Smith and his latest song, Pray?

It is a song that I play at least 8 times a day.  Usually back to back.

I love how he goes from a deep tenor tone to a high falsetto (his voice is magical) as what appears to be a choir joining him in the background.  That double black church clap towards the end of the song tells me that I’m correct in my thinking.

This song is simply a reflection of everyone’s life.  We have all made mistakes.  We have all lost our focus and direction and really don’t know where or whom to turn to at times.  Too often, we become so full of ourselves, we try to go about life as if we’ve never needed anyone or guidance.  Many of us live a very prideful life.  But eventually, life catches up with us and all we have left to do is, pray.

It reminds me so much of the story about the prodigal son in the Bible.  Eventually, at some point, we all come back to what has stood the test of time for ages.  We all come back home to the Father, back to prayer.  At the end of the day, we just need a one-on-one as Smith states in his lyrics.

It also reminds me that no matter where you are in life or who you are or your beliefs that praying is not a bad thing.  Take a listen to this powerful audio provided by YouTube, below.

Everyone prays in the end.

This post may contain affiliated links but all opinions are of my own.