Are you willing to get uncomfortable?

Late last year at my full time job, I was asked if I wanted to train a class of 7 people for about a week.  I would only be training them on a few of the forms we processed, these forms being some of the easier forms, therefore it would be a very easy class to train.

I was asked to train because the actual trainer was out sick and they needed someone to get the job done fast.  Everyone pointed to me.  I stood there in shock like a deer in headlights because I had never trained a class before.  I’m also one of the employees who has been there a shorter amount of time than the others.  I wondered why they would choose me out of everyone else that worked in the department.  The more I sat there and questioned my ability to train an actual class the more everyone kept saying I would be the perfect fit.

I finally agreed to take on the huge task but I was really nervous.  In case you didn’t know, I’ve always been more of a behind the scene person.  Getting in front of a class teaching them was totally out of my comfort zone.  To be honest, I was uncomfortable!  My voice was shaky.  I had so many “what-ifs.”  But I wanted to take on the challenge because I saw this as possibly being a great opportunity.

By the end of the week, I was starting to get into my groove and getting up in front of the class to teach was becoming easier and easier.  All I had to do was to begin to have confidence within myself.  img_7632So, when I was asked again to train 5 additional people this past May for an entire month on everything that we do and not just a few of the items we processed, this time I was very confident and was able to say yes, immediately.

See, there wasn’t a question of if I knew the material.  I was sure of that.  But for many years I was allowing my nerves to outshine my abilities.  I wasn’t willing to get uncomfortable BUT I have learn that growth only happens when we are uncomfortable and when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

I no longer ask “why me” but now I say, “why not me.”  At this point in my life I am willing to grow however necessary.  If it means I have to get uncomfortable then I’m willing to do just that especially if it will benefit me in the end.

Remember, if you’re willing to get uncomfortable, then you’re willing to grow.

If you’re recently had a growing moment, please share in the comments!

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What you should be doing in your 30’s

I’ve found that your 30’s mostly consist of building and planning.  Whether you are building your finances, your relationships, your career, or family, you’re essentially working off a blueprint to create the next 40-50 years of your life.

You may ask how or why did I come up with this theory.  Well, in your 20’s typically you’re finishing college.  Perhaps still living with your parents or maybe even venturing off into your own thing but there’s a lot of trial and error during this period.  Continue reading

5 ways to make the most out of Twitter

Long gone are the days of AOL Instant Messenger.  Can you believe AOL was launched in 1997?  I remember having to use dial-up to access the internet and also waiting for my sister to get off the landline telephone so that I could even use the dial-up, which was crazy in itself.  This all seem like ancient history when you think about but honestly, it hasn’t been that long.  Quickly, the world-wide web has taken over (for the 99-2000’s–in Juvenile’s voice) and not having the internet these days is almost dreadful.  What use to be a very optional thing is now basically a necessity.

Social Media was that added bonus that came along with the internet and it continues to be the most popular thing out here but why am I still hearing questions about people not understanding Twitter?

I come to make your life a little easier and I come to get you all caught up to 2018!  Here’s how you can make the most out of Twitter:

  1. Follow Celebrities, Companies, Politian’s, and anyone that seems interesting to you!  (a) As with any social media platform, the more people you follow, essentially the more whom will follow you back.  It’s also important to know that when you follow a person on Twitter that doesn’t mean they’re following you. It is not like Facebook, therefore, interaction is key in order to obtain followers.  (b) A good thing about Twitter is that you will find that more celebrities are active on this particular social media platform.  If you’re looking for that celebrity connection Twitter is your best bet.  (c) Also, following companies is a big plus.  Many of them host giveaways on Twitter and I’ve been lucky to win a number of times.  Another great tip is that most companies also have a customer service Twitter page and if you ever bring a complaint their way on Twitter you can almost certainly expect them to answer you back.  They are all about their reputation.  Use Twitter to your benefit.  Below are a few things I’ve won off Twitter!

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  2. Use Hashtags.  It’s an easy way of seeing who’s talking about a topic.  Hashtags are very important when it comes to Twitter.  This is where they were originated from. #Twitter #GetOutThere
  3. Join the conversation.  Get involved and comment.  Join the discussion and share your opinions.  You never know who will see it.  You never know who will agree with you or disagree with you.  Welcome the conversation and take advantage of the reply button.  Again, this is how you gain followers.
  4. Use it as a way to keep up with current events.  If it’s trending on Twitter then it’s important for the moment.  If you want to know something, Twitter is a go-to place to find out.  It’s almost the next best thing to Google.  If it’s not trending on Twitter then it’s probably not happening because no one is talking about it.  **In your Twitter app, if you click on the search button, you will see all the trending topics for the day and they change throughout the day as well.**
  5. Don’t be afraid of the retweet button.  The retweet button is my best-friend.  If I see a Tweet that I really like or that speaks volumes, I’ll retweet it.  A retweet is basically a “repost” or “share” of another persons tweet.  Once you retweet a tweet you are sharing that tweet with your timeline; so now your followers will be able to see it.  **If your account is set to “Private” your tweets are not retweetable.  Also, if you’re looking to gain more followers, do not set your account to “Private.”**

To sum it up, if you’re looking for a place to pretty much run off at the mouth without a bunch of feedback–Twitter is the place.  If you’re looking for a place to speak a lot of nonsense –Twitter is the place.  If you’re looking for a place to be bold and to take a stand and to get behind a movement–Twitter is the place.  If you’re looking for a place to say things you wouldn’t necessarily post to Facebook….Twitter is the place!  Twitter is where it’s at!

Come join the party and follow me at @MizToyah

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A peep inside Marriage

As kids, boys and girls are raised a little different from one another.  Girls are given kitchenettes and baby dolls.  They begin an imaginary life of what they want when they get married and how they want it.  They immediately begin playing house.  While boys are given power tools and things to build.  They are told to go out and conquer the world whether you’re a Fireman, Police Officer, or President.  They can be whatever they want to be!  On the flip side girls are creating their preconceptions of how they want their family life to be 20 years down the road.  We want the marriage, with the house and white picket fence, the two kids, and a dog!

Then as teenagers going into college years we get involved in minor relationships here and there.  All we know is what we have seen our parents go through or perhaps close relatives.  No one takes the time to explain to you the pro’s and con’s of relationships.  The fact that your exes will forever play a part of your life no matter how long ago the relationship was.  Soul Ties (we will have to get into that another day).  We have no clue as to what is required and expected from one another.  We are just out there to figure things out on our own.

As we venture into adulthood, we find that relationships start going into this “on again and off again” phase.  We just go from one relationship to the next, finding nothing to work and this is when women tend to develop the “Miss Independent” attitude which can be a blessing and a curse at the same time.  We come up with all these prerequisites of what our partner should be.  Suddenly, we find ourselves engaged and NOW WHAT?

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While I’ve never been married (not yet anyway) but engaged a few times (read about those HERE), I wanted to end February aka as the “Love Month” with an inside peek into marriage; but from people who are experiencing it on a first hand basis.  So I reached out to several people of whom I know and asked them all the same 7 questions.  No person was aware of the other individuals who were being asked these same 7 questions or their answers; however, you can see where some of the answers are similar to one another.

*Disclaimer: These are the individuals opinions based on their own marriages and their truths.  Their answers may be used as inspiration or an eye opener but be aware that all marriages/people are different.  Please seek professional counseling if you feel it is necessary–if we need to have a couples therapy session via blogging–I’m all for it!*

  • What has been your biggest struggle/challenge as a married couple?

CJ- Learning to compromise.  That it’s a team effort.

BS- Realizing that people are raised differently than you and because I’m use to doing one thing a certain way doesn’t mean that they are used to doing it that way.  In a nutshell, communication.

MK- My biggest struggle has been “role” expectations and finances.  You grow up believing that the woman does the cooking, cleaning, etc. while the man takes care of the finances, fixing what’s broke, and cutting the grass.  While it was expected that we do everything 50/50, I also believed that the man should take care of the finances by whatever means necessary.  That has been our biggest challenge.

SB- Communication.  But I think that’s the same for any relationship.

DB- Agreeing on how to raise our child.

JP- Talking the same language.  Trying to be heard and understood while also hearing and understanding your mate.  Knowing that we both have feelings and all feelings matter.

DP- Compromising

MC- Communication.  My husband thinks I should be a mind reader.

  • Do you have any advice for those who are getting married or perhaps newlyweds?

CJ- Don’t let outside voices in.  Marriage should between God, you, and your spouse.  Listen more than you talk and try not to ever go to bed angry.

BS- Communicate.  Everyday will not be great.  Keep the communication line open and always be willing to forgive even if it is not your fault.  Never go to bed angry and remember your vows.

MK- Don’t lose yourself, you are still an individual.  Have separate accounts along with the joint accounts.

SB- Never stop dating!

DB- To let go of the independent mentality.

JP- Take time out for just the two of you.  Go on dates, spend time at home alone, COMMUNICATE effectively.  Explain what you mean.  Don’t jump to conclusions.

DP- Make sure you know each other as well as possible.

MC- Don’t lose your identity.  Maintain who you are as a person.  Have faith in your spouse.  Encourage each other and to strive for better.  Avoid becoming stagnant in your marriage.  Always take a vacation.  Try new ways of doing things together.  Ladies, always have your own money.

  • (a) What would you do differently, if anything?  (b) Is marriage different from what you initially thought it would be prior to getting married?  If so, how?

CJ- (a) If I could do anything different, I would have listened more early on.  We are in a much better place now, but that took more yelling than it should have. (b) Yes, marriage is different that what I thought it would be because I went in with a lot of makeshift ideals.

BS- (a) The only thing I would do differently is not have so many people in my wedding.  (she laughs) (b) I wouldn’t say it’s different.  You are still the same person that you were when you were dating.

MK- (a) I wouldn’t be as argumentative.  My daily prayer is, “Lord guide me to be very quick to hear and very slow to speak.”

SB- (a) I would have a smaller wedding and perhaps purchase a bigger house.  (b) It’s only different because you have to put forth more effort.  You can’t just leave and walk away when there is a problem.

DB- (a) I wouldn’t do anything different.  (b) It’s what I expected.

JP- (a) Instead of falling in love with my partners potential I would fall in love with who he was at that very moment.  (b) Yes, it is different, because it is harder to maneuver when two minds, wants, and needs are involved.  But I would rather have him there than not because he helps bear those burdens.

DP- (a) I wouldn’t do anything differently.  (b) A lot of explaining yourself.

MC- (b) Marriage is about growth, learning, believing, trusting and understanding.  Those are all the differences.

  • What is the best thing about being married?

CJ- Having someone to grow and develop with, someone to bounce your ideas off of.  Having someone who loves you at your best and your worst.  Having someone who is under the covenant of God with you and wants the best for you.  Oh, and someone to put your feet on at night when it’s cold.  Someone to take the trash out, open tight jars, and warm up the car (which is most important).

BS- Being married to your best friend.  The inside jokes, the laughter, and companionship.  Having someone who is all yours.  The love, romance, taken care of each other and knowing that you have someone in your corner no matter what.

MK- I love laying down after a long day and laying on my man’s chest and just watching TV.  Just being held takes all my worries away and makes me feel safe and protected.  I love cuddling.

SB- You always have a best friend to go through life’s ups and downs with you.

DB- Knowing that my spouse has my back, right or wrong.

JP- For me, the best thing is the fact that my husband is my protector (earthly).

DP- Having someone else to depend on; a second half.

MC- Feeling loved.

  • Since being married have you learned anything about yourself?

CJ- I’ve learned that I was a control freak.  I would ask him to take the lead on things but I never really trusted him with it because I was so used to having control.

BS- I’ve learned many things about myself.  I’ve learned that I’m not single anymore and that I have someone to help me.  For a while I was so used to doing everything on my own, that once I was married I would make decisions without talking to my husband first.  I had to stop and realized that we are a team!

MK- I’ve learned that just because I’m married doesn’t mean I have to settle.  That I must take time out for me.  Happiness is priceless.

SB- I’ve learned how bad my OCD really is.

DB- I’ve learned to be more open, to compromise, listen better, to understand that I’m not always right.  I’ve also learned how to avoid conflict by not allowing things to escalate and I’ve learned how to pick my battles.

JP- Yes, that I don’t have much patience for people.

DP- Yes, characteristics about myself; good and bad.

MC- Yes, that I can really and truly love someone.  I’ve learned that the person that I love will take care of me.  The one thing I had to understand and learn to accept is the word compromise.

  • Is it important to socialize with other married couples?

CJ- It is important to have other married couples as friends.  The conversation is different and you can learn from others.  It is good to have separate friends too.

BS- If you know married couples it is not bad to socialize with them, however, someone else’s marriage may not be as successful as yours so regardless of who you talk to or get advice from, always seek God first.

MK- I think it is important to socialize with married couples.  However, it is not something that we do enough of.  I believe having a couples unbiased opinion in a fun atmosphere is always good.  You never know when you are able to learn from them and vice versa.

SB- No, not really married couples per se, but more friends in general.  I think it’s good to socialize with other people.

DB- Yes, it is important when you can, otherwise you’ll find yourself going out with your friends more.

JP- Yes, it gives you an outlet.  It is fun and it shows you that it is not all that bad.  You get to see that you should laugh at your frustrations a lot more than get angry.

DP- At times.

MC- Never stop socializing period.  What I don’t think you should do is socialize with anyone that has a single mind complex which a lot of married people do.  Don’t associate with people who is quick to tell you to leave your spouse.

  • Finally, how long have you been married?

CJ- 7 Years

BS- Almost 4 Years

MK- 14 Years

SB- 10 Years

DB- 26 Years

JP- 3.5 Years

DP- Almost 4 Years

MC- 9 years

First, I would like to say THANK YOU to those who were gracious enough to participate.  I know that being vulnerable isn’t always easy, so again THANK YOU!  I hope this was a little inspiration to all of those out there in Lovers land; either single or married.   Just reading the responses were very eye-opening for me.  It definitely made a light bulb go off.

Keep those fires in your  marriages burning.  Remember people are looking up to you each and every day.   This isn’t to put pressure on anyone but to say, no matter what, hang in there!  I pray that God continues to bless your marriages each and every day!

Did anyone else learn anything from looking inside our guest marriages?  Any married readers have anything they would like to add?  Feel free to comment.

FYI: Some of the answers were shorten to fit the blog and may have also been paraphrased but all answers are of the individual.

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