“Would it be ok if your spouse went on vacation with their ex?”

Recently, in mainstream media, most of you have heard about Jada Pinkett-Smith discussing her relationship with her husband, Will Smith; along with conversations around her children, her Bonus child, and his mother.  If you are like me, you may even tune in occasionally to her Red Table Talk show that airs on Facebook Live.

Let me be the first to say that I commend Jada for her candid conversations around marriage, kids, life, and blended families.  They are definitely needed and most often they are also very eye-opening.

With that being said, I wanted to take a moment to briefly talk about a recent interview that Jada did on Sway In the Morning radio show.  She stated that because Will had a child prior to their marriage that she allows/is okay with Will, Trey (Will’s son by another woman) and Trey’s mother going on vacation together.  Social media went into a frenzy with views all over the spectrum.  Many people stating that they weren’t that mature to allow such thing to happen.

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I want to be clear and upfront to my readers and to those who may be around my age–late 30’s–and say this has nothing to do with maturity.  It really has nothing to do with trust. Do not feel bad or feel like you need to get on their level.  A person’s opinion is their opinion, and mine is certainly mine,  but do not feel like you need to get in line with this couple.

People have to learn to take their marriage seriously and you shouldn’t invite additional people into your union.  Where is the respect for the spouse?  If you open a window eventually something will fly in.  I am all for blending families.  I recently posted about how to Embrace your Blended Family just this past Fathers Day.  Click HERE to read more about it!

But telling my husband to go on vacation with your child who is in his 20’s (or any age for that matter) along with his mother so that he can get the dynamics of both mother and father is uncalled for.  Why would you even put that spirit out there?

I’m happy to go on a day trip with everyone to an amusement park.  I will love for us to all be together at graduations and birthdays.  But a vacation where you’re going to be acting like a married couple?  Miss me with that one!!  I think you should have a relationship with the child’s mother/father but a vacation–not so much.

I wonder if Will would allow Jada to do the same thing if she had a child with another man prior to them?  I highly doubt it!!

Keep blending your families but know you MUST draw the line somewhere!  Whether you agree or disagree with me, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Living Life and Writing all about IT!!!

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Embracing your blended family & Happy Fathers Day!

We’re going to refer to this blog post as a twofer!  A two for one type of post! 🙂

Blended families are nothing out of the ordinary these days.  In fact, blended families are becoming more and more popular.

The key to making any blended family work and the key to life in general is forgiveness.  Especially if you’re the other parent and you’re trying to decide if you want your child in the midst of their siblings that may come from another parent.

If you’re on the blended side you must be inclusive to all parties.  It is nice when everyone can come together to celebrate birthdays and graduations or any special occasion.  It is important for adults to get out of their feelings while also being willing to stretch and grow.  When these steps are taken, blended families strive more.

I remember years ago when my daughter was visiting her father, step mother, and other siblings and she told me she had called her step-mother, momma.  It didn’t bother me one bit.  1) She was about 3 or 4 and was copying her other siblings.  2) I was confident and secure within myself, plus I know the role that I play in my daughter’s life.  After telling a friend about the situation and trying to get him to understand that it’s ok; he tried to make me feel bad.  I wasn’t accepting his opinion because if my daughter felt comfortable enough and safe around her to call her momma at the time, then I was ok with that.  Men often feel slighted or “some kinda way” when their kids are around other men but you’ll only feel that way if you aren’t doing what you’re suppose to do as a parent.  I already knew, no one would ever be able to take my place from my daughter so that wasn’t my fight.  Besides, I trusted her dad and the love that he has for our daughter to make the right decisions.  As long as your child is not at harm then you shouldn’t have a problem with whom your ex has decided to be with.

With all of that being said; I would like to wish all of the amazing fathers out there a Happy Father’s Day.  Whether you are in a blended family or not, Fathers are never honored and appreciated enough on days like this.  Fathers are extremely special to their children.  For little girls, they are the first man who will ever love them and they’ll typically pick their mate based off of their fathers love.  For little boys, fathers are their role models and heroes.  Fathers are needed and are necessary.

I remember my dad trying to comb my sister and my hair growing up.  It wasn’t often but when he did we both loved  it.  He would let us wear our hair down instead of the everyday pigtails that our mom made us wear.  We would think that we were so cute.  I also remember my dad taking me to school on his bike as a little girl.  In High School, my dad brought my sister and I diamond rings; a promise ring to keep ourselves and to let us know that if a man couldn’t do more for us than he could, that we didn’t need him.  Do you know how important and loved that made me feel especially when I started dating?  My dad had already laid the foundation for me and it gave me room to have high standards and to not be ashamed about it.

I’ve always felt extra safe around my dad.  Whenever we are on vacation and out and about in a foreign place that we aren’t use to my dad still escorts us to the bathroom and waits on us.  He takes pride in protecting his girls.  Sometimes we will go shopping and he’ll sit patiently waiting while he carries all of the bags.  Today, at 37 I’ll call my dad and ask if he could come help us hang our TV on the wall.  Before we can blink, he’s right there.  When I’m worried, I’ll ask my daddy for a prayer and immediately I’ll feel better.

Embrace your blended family (if you have one) and make sure your dad know the amount of love you have for him!!  Treat all children the same and remember to always show respect to the other parents that may be involved.

(Now, to try to figure out a gift for Father’s Day!)

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