38 Things I’ve learned In 38 years

Yall, tomorrow I’m turning 38 and I swear it just seems so unreal to me.  Like I still want to be in my EARLY twenties enjoying life to the ultimate fullest.  Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy life and all that it has to offer, however, I’m “grown, grown”!  At 38,  I’m two years from 40 and 12 years from 50.  Do you know how fast that will go by?  I remember my parents turning 40 and thinking that they were old and now here I am slowly turning the corner.  But it’s all good.  It’s a blessing to see another year and lately I’ve been reflecting on a few things I’ve learned over the years. Continue reading

The Nitty-Gritty of being an Entrepreneur

Over the past year, I’ve highlighted several different entrepreneurs on the blog.  There is a special admiration that I have for anyone who’s had a vision, written the vision, and has made a blueprint of how they wish to carry out their dreams.  I truly admire those people.

What I do not admire is how people like to try to force entrepreneurship onto others. Honestly, nothing bothers me more than hearing someone say work for yourself and not for someone else. Reason being? It doesn’t work that way for everyone.  Continue reading

Brick by Brick

When a relationship doesn’t pan out to be what we expect it to be or what our version of a particular relationship should look like we begin to build mental walls.  The walls that we build are set into place brick by brick; because while we hope the relationship has potential we don’t want to personally set ourselves up for failure.  At best, we are trying to protect the heart.

I believe this to be true for all relationships.  Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a friendship, family, business, or casual. Continue reading

My ah-ha moments!

Am I the only one that ever have ah-ha moments?  I like to think that I’m like Oprah and sometimes I have these little mind insights that would make my life better.  Ah-ha!

For the longest, I thought about celebrities and how they all had multiple streams of income.  Many have on average 5 jobs; book deals, endorsements, TV shows, and the list goes on, and on, and on. Continue reading

Watch out for the Big Girls!

Gone are the days where plus size or curvy girls can only shop at certain stores in the mall because those select stores are the only stores that sell “our” size.  It is a great feeling to finally have some of the barriers around plus size clothing knocked down.  Nowadays, more and more stores are providing curvy girl selections, whether in store (and not in the back of the store) or online.  We just have to get out there to shop and we have to be adventurous.  No one said that just because you’re a certain size that you can only wear sweatsuits or long granny dresses.  No, No, No! Continue reading

There’s a meeting in my Bedroom!

Warning:  This post is for Adults only! 

Ladies!!  Ladies!!  Ladies!!  Ladies!!

Are you having enough sex?  Are you pleasing your man?  Are you keeping it spicy and juicy as well as fresh in the bedroom?  Yup, that’s the conversation we’re having today.

Let me tell you….sex is necessary.  You can’t keep doing the same old thing day in and day out.  You have to spice it up.  Start that fire and let your man add to it and then put the flame out, okay!  Tell your man he has a fire he needs to put out and that you’re in need of the Vitamin D!

Sometimes you have to show up at the front door with something sexy on and a cute pair of heels; catch him off guard, those are always the best moments.  Sometimes you may need to make arrangements for the kids to stay at grandma’s house.  Or perhaps if you’re like me with teenagers in the house–you go in your room, shut and lock the door and turn the TV or music up.  Honey, you have to get it in where you can.

We all have long days at work and sometimes away from our significant others for hours throughout the day.  Do you ever text your man something sexy or send an emoji to let him know it’s going to be on tonight?

Emoji references:

🍆 = penis

🍑 = booty

👅 = lick

💋 = kisses

😘 = kisses

There are times when you may want to make love, then there are times when you just need a quickie, or you may need a little action at 3AM and then roll back over to go to sleep.  Shoot, there may be times when you just want to be nasty and do nasty things and that is okay too!

It’s funny, because I’ve always been a daddy’s girl.  However, I’ve never discussed anything remotely close to sex with my father.  At 16 years old he gave me a promise ring and told me to sustain from having sex before marriage.  Well of course that didn’t happen but my dad never really said much about it.  My father is also an ordained minister and when I got married he married my husband and I.  But before we were married we had “counseling” sessions with my father because of course, that’s what black people do before marriage.  While talking with my father he tells me to make sure I’m keeping my husband satisfied in the bedroom and having lots of sex.  Because it’s important in a marriage and because sex matters a whole lot to men.  I was taken aback when I heard that come out of my dads mouth.  I was his little girl or at least I wanted to think I was.  But in fact I was a full-grown adult about to be married and he was telling me to be sure my man was happy in the bedroom.   I figured if my daddy was telling me this then there must be some truth to it!

I believe that I’m currently in my prime years.  The years between 30-40, the time when we really need to be getting it in.  Because from what I hear once that menopause hit–there may be some drought happening and we really don’t have time for no dry desert situations.  So while we are still in our prime, the next time you and your man decide to get it on, be sure that you’re giving him all of you.  Be like Missy Elliot and sing to yourself, “P****Y don’t fail me now!”  Order some sexy lingerie.  Decide to try something different.  Make you a sexy music playlist and have it on hand for when you need it most.  Don’t forget to grab your oils and toys for the bedroom too.

Grant it, there are days when we as ladies just can’t seem to get the strength to go to the bathroom, let alone, to have sex.  Just like with finances, or dealing with the kids, or personal issues, communication is important when it comes to sex.  Don’t be afraid to have those sexual conversations with your partner.  That way both parties are being pleased on a consistent basis.  Because ladies, it’s just as important that you are being pleased too!

The D Challenge

I go hound for the D

Pound for pound for the D

I jump up & down, then on the ground for the D

Don’t mess around with the D

I take my time with the D

Anytime, yes indeed

I freshened up for the D

Baked a cake for the D, cuz I’m about to put him to sleep

I put the turtleneck on the D

But I’m careful with the teeth

My dude is like Drake, he’s back to back for the P!

– Itoja

If you’re not married and having sex please be sure you are having safe sex. 

Got comments? Leave them below! 

Keep it Spicy,


Smoking on Hay

Twenty three years ago, the year was 1996 and I remember clear as day riding around my small town with my best friend, of now 28 years, singing to Crucial Conflict’s hottest song at the time, “Hay.”

We didn’t just listen to the song, but we jammed to the song.  We would sing the song to the top of our lungs.  We mimicked the group as we tried to quote the rappers especially on their fast parts.  Thinking about that now makes me want to laugh at the top of my lungs.

To take it a step further my best friend had a small, red Mazda MX3, and she had the nerve to have a sound system in the trunk of the car (Remember it was the 90s). So when we rode around listening to our favorite songs such as Hay, the song had all the base and treble anyone could ask for.  I mean it thumped!

But we loved the song Hay and honestly, I didn’t even know everything they were talking about at the time.  Mostly I knew it was about smoking weed and I had never smoked weed before but it was something about the beat and the rapping that made me love the song anyway.

To my knowledge weed was just weed back then. But over the years the industry –yea it’s an industry now–has grown tremendously.  They’re whipping up this weed like it’s the latest cake at a birthday party.  Like what flavor would you like; and do you want that in plant form, edible, or oils?  It’s that serious.

Here are just a few names that you may or may not be familiar with:

  • Purple Haze
  • Jack Herer
  • Gonja
  • Kush
  • Skywalker OG
  • Blackcherry Kush
  • Banana OG
  • Purp
  • Loud
  • Superman
  • Blue cheese

Any of these names ring a bell?

If not, they are all familiar names or strands of weed that has become the norm over the years.  Believe it or not, there are hundreds of different types or strands of weed these days.

Many people consider themselves to be functional smokers.  I have even heard of jobs no longer testing for drug usage due to the higher number of people consuming marijuana these days; especially on the West Coast.

In today’s society, more and more people are smoking weed.  Legalization of marijuana is steadily increasing for recreational and medical usage, but there are still many regulations and federal laws surrounding the popular drug to date.  Many fail to realize that these federal laws cause for marijuana to still be illegal in many places whereas in 1996 it was illegal all around the board.

Celebs have begun creating their own strands of weed and basically monopolizing off the whole brand.  Nowadays you can buy stock in Cannabis.  There are weed dispensaries or stores in specific cities around the world.  The industry has really grown if that’s what you’re into.  For me, it’s not my thing.  I would much rather get into the wine business.  Or have my own line of wines (if anyone can help me with that please contact me).  But that’s another story.  Let’s stick to the topic at hand.  This weed.

Here’s what I really want people to know……

Many people fail to realize that they aren’t smoking weed in its purest form anymore. What they are smoking is hybrid weed or a certain strand of weed which transforms the weed into a compilation of many things in one.  Just look at some those names I listed above.

Then what about the THC.  THC is an abbreviation for this really long word (tetrahydracannabinol) which is the intoxicating chemical that is found in the cannabis plant.

The trick is that more and more THC is being added to weed these days because that is the chemical that actually makes you high.  Not that real “organic” weed will not make you high but the added THC will make you feel higher.  Natural weed was originally used to make you calm and had more of a healing effect.  Let’s face it, no one is smoking that type of weed anymore.  People are smoking weed to get higher, higher, and higher.

With that said, did you know that THC has a very high dosage of estrogen?  Estrogen is the hormone that helps develop female characteristics within a woman’s body.  So the more THC you add to weed the more estrogen you’ll find!  And then guess what?  The more it goes into your body.  At this point you’re getting less and less of the calming effects that weed or marijuana once had on a person and more of the estrogen or THC components.

Are you still following me?

So fellas, do you ever wonder why sometimes you start acting like a “Mitch!”  Or ever wonder why you’re getting man boobs?  Well, you’re tuning yourself into a little woman with all that estrogen you’re inhaling! Hahahahahaha but seriously.  It’s true.  To take it a step further you may even experience erectile dysfunction, loss of hair, or other side effects.

Ladies, perhaps you’re experiencing irregular monthly cycles, or anxiety, or fertility issues.  These can all come from the over consumption of marijuana.

Of course, all side effects do not occur in every person but certainly I hope this gives all of you smokers something to think about.  Besides, what’s worse than smoking a blunt after someone else has licked all around it and then participating in that puff, puff, pass situation.  My OCD can’t tolerate any parts of that.

Listen, don’t you all come for me at once.  I know I’m trotting around a very sensitive area here.  I’m just the messenger and I refuse to pass judgement on anyone.  So keep living your best life but just remember what “itoja!”

ps: Here’s the YouTube video of Hay by Crucial Conflict from 1996.